Some people have problems from an early age whether it’s a broken home, single parent household, being raised by grandparents. Some have parents that are abusive or completely ignore them. Me, I didn’t have any of those problems, actually I had a pretty happy childhood full of the love of both parents as well as a brother who was 19 years older than me so you could say I was spoiled from all angles. The only problem I had were my parents were OLD when I was born. My dad was 41 and mom was 37. Yeah, I know I don’t think that’s old anymore but when you’re 10 and your parents are in or close to their 50’s they seem ancient.
I grew up with my mom preparing me for her funeral from an early age. I think it’s because out of a family with 10 or 13 kids most of them had already passed away so what did she expect being towards the younger end of the spectrum. I’d hear things like “if I’m still around next spring we’ll do _____”.
Dad was adventurous and while we didn’t go camping or hiking he still made things fun. We’d go on vacations and pull of to see a 100 year old unpainted house that was 40 miles off the highway. We’d go exploring caves and just have fun while mom stayed in the car.
I’d always sworn I’d never be as old or act as old as mom did but here I am in my 60’s, facing my own mortality some day and I think back to those thoughts and realize I’m more like mom than I’d like to be. I think of how limber I was when my cousin was 4, 6 or 13 and we’d go on vacations and wonder why I couldn’t do that with my granddaughter until it hits me, my cousin is now a grown woman with 4 boys so that was 20 years ago and I am older now. I only wish I’d have taken better care of myself when I was younger and stuck with ballet when I was 6 or applied myself more in sports. I wish I’d kept my bicycle and actually rode it. Maybe if I had I wouldn’t see my mom staring back at me when I pass a mirror. Don’t get me wrong, my mom was a beautiful woman but SHE WAS OLD.
In my mind I’m fresh out of high school with a life of possibilities ahead of me but then it hits me, I’m not that old and I still have a life of possibilities ahead of me I just have to modify what they are now. I can still have fun and I can still cause a little mischief once in a while.
I wrestle with my age and abilities too, and I’m 46. I never thought at age 42 I’d have double bypass heart surgery and with that, be slowed down so much earlier in life than I imagined. But like you, I’m trying to make the best of it. One day at a time.
I think that’s all anyone can do. My brother died of a massive heart attack on his way to work when he was 39. The year I hit 40 was hard for me because I achieved something he wan’t able to do.